A/N: I just wrote this (like five minutes ago). Usually when I have to go back to school, I panic and start feeling depressed/anxiety. Anyway, this panic attack isn’t anything new and usually I just ride it out and let it pass. Today though, I did something different. I wrote down what I was feeling and wrote a fantasy solution. Here it is. My solution! As you can see, I made up a name but I was thinking of myself while writing this piece. I don’t think this is going anywhere so I thought I would share it here and let someone else (other than me) see it. I hope you like it. I felt better after writing this. 🙂
If I could run away
Naomi doesn’t remember when she got back. It didn’t matter anyhow. Her mind was on one thing alone. Leaving. Leaving everything behind. Today she was going to do it with no fear or regret. She packs her bags with confidence and poise (if that was ever possible). She folds her t-shirts like they’re made of a powerful armor. Her pen is her sword and her books are her shields. She places them in the suitcase knowing that they will not fail her. She slips on her boots with the understanding that they will stand strong no matter what terrain she treads. Naomi walks over to her door and unhooks her jacket. She holds it in front of herself and looks at it like it is something she’s never seen before. She purses her lips and winces at it. This jacket doesn’t suit her anymore. It’s a puffy black winter jacket. It’s warm, soft but ironically impractical. It represents a life she doesn’t want to live anymore. It speaks of a life with safety and repetition.
She throws the jacket on the ground and goes downstairs to the basement. After ruffling through several piles of clothes in her storage closet, she’s found it. To most, it looks costume-y and something nobody today would dare to wear in public. At one point, Naomi felt the same way of the garment. She bought it on a whim at an art sale one day and wears it only to conventions, role-play games or costume parties. It didn’t have any meaning to her at the time. It was just a costume. Another piece of fabric to layer over and pretend to be something you don’t have the balls to truly embody. At this moment, Naomi doesn’t see it that way anymore. It’s the perfect fit. It’s a dark green cloak that reaches the middle of her calves and a sparkling emerald gem decorates the clasp of the cloak. She swings it around her shoulders and fastens the clasp. Without any hesitation, she faces the mirror and looks at herself. She holds her gaze for a while and takes in every detail of herself. She exhales in relief when she realizes she doesn’t recognize her reflection. She has worn this cloak several times and remembers how it would fit. This time, it feels somewhat different. As if she finally grew into it. Her dark hair perfectly frames the cloak and curls against the wool fabric. Her face appears softer and her frame looks almost taller. She eyes the plastic gem glittering in the reflection. She counts how many times it flashes in the mirror and can’t help but wonder if it’s trying to speak to her. She imagines it is offering words of reassurance.
Yes, this is what you are meant to be. The world you are choosing to walk in promises you will have fulfillment and a sense of purpose. I don’t have to tell you to go follow this instinct, because I know you will take it.
Naomi smiles and quietly thanks the sparkling emerald for its support. She heads up the stairs and grabs her suitcase. Everything feels perfect, just as she imagined it would happen in her head. With her head up high, she opens her front door and steps out without a pause of uncertainty. She doesn’t turn around when she closes the door. There’s nothing left to look at behind her. Naomi holds her pride, looks forward and follows the sunrise. She knows this same sunrise will lead her to the said promise of fulfillment and purpose. Naomi quickens her pace and melts in the air.