More proof I don’t know what I’m doing on Word Press! XD

Hello everyone! Just wanted to write up this quick story for all the Word Press newbies like me. So yesterday I was in the middle of a blog entry and as I was editing the tag section, I noticed something was off. My tags didn’t look right. It was when I hit the enter key while putting in my tag, did I notice that I’ve been tagging my blogs wrong! As most of you probably know, when you tag, you put in the phrase and hit the enter key for the next tag you want to put in.

Well, little dummy me never caught on to that. What I would do, I would just write in the hashtags like this:

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So instead, I would just use the space bar and write along as if I am writing one big text. So when i publish the article, my tags would be read as one big sentence instead of individual tags. Like this:

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It’s hard to tell, but when you hover over the tag, it is read as one big tag instead of three individual ones

Anyway after bumping myself on the head several times, I went back and manually corrected each blog post. Fortunately, I don’t have a lot of posts so it didn’t take too long. Let’s hope I can get more readers now that people can actually FIND me. HAHA!!!

Moral of the story, everyone makes mistakes and thankfully I learned from my mistake on time.

Note:For those who want to know how the tag should be, just hover over my tags down below.

Let’s talk about books: A Court of Thorns and Roses.

Let’s talk about books: A Court of Thorns and Roses.

It has been awhile since I picked up a book. Lately, my genre of interest consists of books that are expensive, lengthy, and written by prestigious scholars. (Text books. I’m reading text books) I can only read so many hundreds of pages of authors explaining to me how the internet, movies, television etc. use Facebook for everything they do before I’m ready to chuck it out my window. Oh and occasional Fan Fiction when I’m on the train, but shh. It’s like Fight Club, we don’t talk about it.

About several weeks ago, I got so done with classes to the point where I grabbed the first E book I could think of while browsing my public library’s website. The lucky book I picked was, A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. Long story short, I loved it!

I didn’t think about writing a review…or discussion…Whatever you would call this post. So everything I am writing about is coming from my memory. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

A Court of Thorns and Roses (we’ll use ACOTAR for short) is a New Adult book about a human girl, Feyre (Pronounced Fey-Rah) who ends up leaving her mortal hometown and living in the “Spring Court” that resides on the other side of the wall. Feyre lives in a world that includes humans, however it is also made up entirely of magical beings known as faeries. This story is a twist on the classic tale, Beauty and the Beast. We follow Feyre who’s trying to make the best out of her indefinite incarceration in the Spring Court and solve a mysterious threat that nobody speaks of burdening the realm of faeries. I would classify this book as an adventure, mystery and romance novel. For those who don’t know, New Adult genre is similar to YA, but has content more appropriate for the 18+ age group.

Lets get on with the characters! There’s so many of them and I wish I had the time to talk about all of them. I’ll just get to the main part.

Also note that I am talking about the characters only as they are written in ACOTAR. So my thoughts of them on the sequel will NOT be taken into consideration.

Sarah J. Maas is pretty good at characters. They’re really well developed and they all have a range of good and bad qualities. Feyre for instance isn’t always a character I would 100% like. There were times when Feyre did things that I would think is stupid and other things she did that had me cheering for her. For instance, the Fire Night scene. When Feyre decided to not listen to ANYBODY’S warnings and sneak out of the house to see the ceremony. Why did she want to? The fire looked pretty! The whole time I was yelling at how dumb she was being. Sure enough, she gets in trouble and runs back to her bed, but not before Tamlin walks in and makes everything worse.

Oh Tamlin! I really only liked him because Feyre did and I made several excuses for his shitty behavior. And his behavior would constantly piss me off. Especially the Fire Night part of the book really pissed me off. To put it short, he sexually assaults Feyre and blames her. Then they both get mad at each other until he finally does something for her to forgive him or something. There were other times when Feyre and Tamlin shared really sweet moments that may or may not have made me gush a bit. Overall, I felt very conflicted with Tamlin’s character and I think Sarah wanted her readers to feel this way. Feyre and Tamlin are clearly not healthy together but like any unhealthy relationship, we make excuses. I wish I could go on, but I want to move to the next character.

Rhysand! His character made me feel conflicted as well. He kept me on the edge of my seat. I couldn’t predict what he would do next. Would he turn Feyre in and threaten her family? Is he going to screw everyone over? Whose side is he really on? The questions go on. I’m still not sure how much I love Rhysand as a character in ACOTAR. On one half, I like that he surprises us and helps Feyre out. On the other hand, he takes advantage of her and uses her as his own form of entertainment. As we reach closer to the end, he sort of reveals to us that Feyre is growing on him and he doesn’t really want her dead. But he’s still an asshole! For instance, he would dress Feyre in skimpy clothes and drug her on a daily basis. True, he never raped or physically harmed her, but I still didn’t like it. The fact that he would force Feyre to do anything without her consent was psychological torture. There were other, more ethical ways to trick the court into thinking that Rhysand was not a double agent. I thought it was interesting that Sarah didn’t give Ryshand a complete redemption arc in ACOTAR. For what it’s worth, I think that style of character development would be less cliche. I also thought the tattoo bond thing was weird, but I also understood that it was an important plot device to help the characters move along in the story.

Next character, Amarantha.Fucking hate this cold hearted bitch! That’s all I have to say.

I solved her riddle the second she told Feyre. In a way, it is sort of realistic that Feyre wouldn’t solve it on time. Considering she’s illiterate and never read a book in her life, riddles wouldn’t be her strongest point. Still, I was hoping for a challenge.

Lucien, what a cheeky bastard and I smiled when he risks his life to save Feyre. Can we say aww? When you read the book, you can tell when he sort of warms up to Feyre and cares about her.

Feyre’s family. Oh my gosh. I never thought I would dislike a protagonist’s family so much but I do. They started off as really selfish and didn’t care much for the fact that Feyre did almost everything for them. When I reach the middle of the book, I warm up a bit for Nesta and see that she feels some guilt for taking Feyre for granted. I think it’s really touching when we learn she tried to cross over to the wall and she got so close! Sadly, she couldn’t make it all the way and had to go back home. I don’t think she was going to give up. If she tried to cross the wall, I’m sure she was going to try to find a way through the wall.

Final thoughts

There’s just so much to talk about and I wish my character review gave any justice to the real quality in Sarah J. Maas’ writing. It’s one of those books I can’t accurately form into words that describe what I was feeling.

The universe Sarah creates alone is so big and there’s so many things about this universe that keeps us asking more questions. Sarah really pulls in a lot of inspiration from folklore and makes her own interpretation of the stories. I love fairy tales, so this book really matched my genre of interest.

Everyone compares it to Beauty and the Beast, myself included, but there’s something MORE to it. Sarah really twists the story around to where you can’t always predict it. It seems she leaves some things out so that you can guess what is going to happen, but then there are other times where she turns the tables and takes the scene to a new direction. I couldn’t really even compare Tamlin and Feyre to Belle and Beast because they’re just so different. If I were to compare them, I wouldn’t be accurately describing their character. To put it simply, if you feel like the story is going to be predictable, just wait. Because odds are, it is not going to go the way you think it will.

 

I think my dream is trying to tell me something…

I think my dream is trying to tell me something…

The other night I had a dream that (now that I think about it) may have told me more about myself than I know. The tl;dr version, I had a dream I was  a prisoner.

In my dream, I find myself wearing ordinary street clothes, I am living in a regular house, but I am aware that I am living in a prison. So I wasn’t sitting behind bars, but still a prisoner. Not just any type of prison Orange is the New Black prison. Which is weird, I haven’t watched OITNB since last summer. But I’m hiding in my van with Piper Chapman (who’s wearing the traditional jumpsuit). A group of people ahead of us just escaped and we are trying to follow their lead. Anyway, we’re trying to escape the prison (which is just my garage). We make it out and I start to panic, realizing we are fugitives I spin the car around to the nearest parking lot to abandon and start running back to the prison on foot. We pass through a weird hotel and I somehow end up back, we jump over the fence and that’s when I woke up.

I’ve never believed in dream interpreting but this one really stands out to me. I’m pretty sure the stress has been getting to me to the point my dreams are affected. As I said, I’ve never dream interpreted but let me try.

I’m a prisoner-Maybe I feel like I am a prisoner to the school I’m in. Or a prisoner in my life. (I’m leaning towards the latter) I’m stuck in this life where I need to please everyone and not fail.

The street clothes- I don’t think this really has any meaning but let me try… I identify myself as a prisoner but haven’t committed a real crime. I’m only taking the place of a prisoner. Unlike Chapman, I can leave prison whenever I want.

The Hotel- Again, its a stretch but I’m going to keep going for the fun of it. People come and go in hotels every time. For most, hotels are havens and a positive place of happiness. I pass through this happiness to head back to the place that gives me stress.

The Panic- I take a chance and drive out of the prison. I didn’t feel free though. I felt like I got pulled into a situation I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t want to be hunted down by the wardens. Even though I know the prison would give me pain, I chose to go back so I wouldn’t be a bother.

Yeah, putting this all together does look a lot like the situations I am currently going through. But I can’t say it’s given me clarity. I feel like I only interpreted something I already know about myself (more or less). Trying to keep this optimistic, perhaps it’s my brain telling me I will know soon enough what I want to do with the rest of my 20 something life.

Confession time: Why am I really in college?

Confession time: Why am I really in college?

Note: Writing on this blog has been difficult for me this past semester. I occasionally have these ideas and then I just…stop. I’m doing my best but I wish I could be more consistent. Well at least I’m not “trying”! Right Yoda?

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My anxiety is coming back to the other end of its cycle and starting over. There’s a lot about me that is inconsistent but unfortunately, this isn’t one of them. It’s the same every semester and it happens like clockwork. I just signed up for my classes next semester. I am currently sitting in my living room (yet again) sprouting tears and asking myself why am I doing this? Why am I choosing to go to college if I feel so sad, stressed, irritated every time someone asks me “how’s [insert school name]”?A lot of people are surprised when I am honest about how I feel at school. As if they expect me to talk about how much I love to spend every week of my life reading and studying for tests that prepare me for nothing useful after I graduate.

I hate that I complain so much about school when other people have it much worse than my first world problem life!

I hate that I don’t have a career path I feel passionate enough to pursue in.

I hate having to wipe the tears off my face week after week because I realize the school I’m in is purposefully keeping me from graduating on time.

I hate that every week, the same school gives me another thing to worry about.

As if college isn’t enough to make me want to break down, they remind me I should be putting more of my free time for internships and volunteer work. They remind me if I’m not out there competing with every other college student and clawing my way for an entry level job, then I’m doing it wrong.

The thing is, I know I’m not the only person in school who feels this way. I have had conversations with a good number of people in my school and read enough articles about other people who feel the same way. They all hate what they’re doing. A lot of them admit that most of the classes they are taking are unimportant and unnecessary stress. So why do we do it?

I can’t speak on behalf of everyone but honestly, I only have one reason I’m in school. I don’t want to disappoint people. Yes, the girl who loves to speak her mind, and (if my blog name isn’t obvious enough) proudly represents a house that values creativity and originality is afraid to disappoint everyone if i drop out of college. I can see the look of disappointment on my families face. My aunts and uncles shaking their head and thinking,  I knew it, that spoiled rotten girl has never truly suffered. She hasn’t the slightest clue about the real world. All she does is complain and pout but fails to put any of her time to contribute to society. It’s only a matter of time before she mooches off our taxpaying dollars.

Most importantly, my mom (who will officially have a PhD in December), ashamed that she has a Latina/American daughter who falls in the statistic of (roughly) 70% of Hispanic/American women who don’t have a college education. As far as my parents are concerned, I might as well call myself illiterate and uneducated. A young girl like me with no career ambition, no higher level education, and no useful work experience is just another one out of a million undesired job applicants.

All of those 15+ years of both private and public education I’ve put into will mean nothing when I apply for jobs. Whatever I did in grade school, high school and community college will mean absolutely NOTHING when I only have that on a résumé. The first short story I wrote by myself in my lit class wont hold any relevance when looking for a job no matter how proud that paper made me feel. And why should it matter? I’m not special enough to drop out. I’m not Steve Jobs or Bill Gates and I don’t want to be! I don’t have any interest in software development or coding. I’m not born into a family that can give me a “small loan of 1 million dollars” to start a company *cough cough*. I don’t have a big idea or a vision of a new kind of technology that will revolutionize the world.

I’m a just an ordinary, lazy girl.

I just want to feel happy and find something that makes me feel happy. And all (apart from french class) of the classes I have taken don’t make me happy. I feel frustrated, scared, and depressed whenever I am in those lectures. There isn’t really a class I have taken that gives me the “this is what I want to do” feeling.

*Note* Though I do know I want to be fluent in french but that’s not really something I care to put all of my college tuition on. And learning a language is just a fun hobby I can do anytime by myself.     

So if I don’t feel that way, why am I still here? Why am I giving my anxiety more fuel to spiral out of control? The classes are only going to get harder and my breakdowns are only going to continue and be harder to control. I wish I had a nice little conclusion to this blog. I wish I had an answer for the readers that can inspire or motivate you all, but I don’t. I’m just as confused as you. Maybe one day I can find someone who will give me the help we are all looking for.