Hello, readers. I’ve been having a bit of a blogging slump and was trying to come up with a new topic. I decided to reflect on anything I did in high school and use that as inspiration but so far, no luck. Typically people always have stories of “that one time in band camp” where they do something that is considered young and dumb. So looking back at my time spent, I have nothing to tell. Overall, I liked my time in High School and I have happy memories, but in terms of experiences my life is mundane at best. I was never invited to parties, never dated or experimented and although I love my small circle of friends, we didn’t do anything wild and crazy together. Which is a shame because I think if we did something so traumatic that forced us to make a blood pact to never repeat what happened, we would be much closer than we are now. (Kidding!)
I wouldn’t even say there is a mystery as to why I had an uneventful youth. To be perfectly honest, my upbringing is partially to blame. As I’ve said in previous blogs, I am very sheltered. Like “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” sheltered. If you really want an in depth look about how my life was spent, just watch season 1. Kimmy Schmidt is basically my spirit animal. (and I wear that fact with pride!)
If I wanted to hang out with my friends, my parents needed every bit of information attainable. Who are they? Where are you going? When are you leaving? When will you get back? When will you call us? When will you take a bathroom break? (kidding about that one!) When you are a child of helicopter parents, you know what I am talking about. Talking about leaving the house turns into a stressful event itself that staying home just seems more appealing.
Furthermore, if they didn’t like the sound of what I’m up to then they wouldn’t let me go. I’m not even talking about unreasonable situations, I mean legitimately harmless things I wanted to do. One time when I was sixteen, my parents wouldn’t let me join my friend and her family to Six Flags because they thought I would get an allergic reaction and die at the theme park…I wish that was an exaggeration, but you need to know where I’m coming from.
So whenever I had a chance to go out, I would hold it off because, “what’s one day?” Then one day turned into two days and so on and so forth. Before I knew it, I was already a graduating senior and I did a whole lot of nothing. I felt like I was missing out an important part of my life. I’d be lying to myself if I said it doesn’t bother me now because it does. So then I thought about this and asked myself, “why is this all so important to me?” and I think I figured it out.
I think whenever I think about why I missed out on so much is because I wasn’t given freedom. My parents didn’t give me that trust that you should get in High School. Sure I would spend time with friends, but I always had some sense of paranoia that my feeling of freedom was only temporary. I would worry that my parents would show up any minute and drag me home (because they’ve done that before). Sometimes when I’m in the middle of hanging out with my friends, I would look at the clock and panic about how much time I had left before I had to leave. If I didn’t answer the phone, my mom would harass my friends phones until one of them answered and smirk at me while they tell my mom where I am (which is the same place I told her I would be at).
I understand that high school years aren’t the most important days of your life and thank god it isn’t. Nevertheless, I think there will always still be a part of me that feels a bit salty about it. The silver lining of this blog would have to be that my life doesn’t end at eighteen and there are billions of people who would agree with me. Lots of people, for lot of different reasons never shared the traditional teenager experience. Some teenagers had to grow up at five years old. Others didn’t get a chance to be in high school. So even though I didn’t have an exciting childhood, I’m hoping I can change that. I’m taking small steps every day to let myself be more independent. For instance, a couple weeks ago I went outside for a whole hour and took a walk to the park by myself. Opening this blog was a big step for me. I’m even considering going to the city and spend the whole day alone. Maybe I’ll even go to the beach? Or buy myself a drink at the bar without joining a group of people. These might seem like dumb goals to some, but for me it is a symbolic reminder that I am my own person and I have more control of my life than I think.