Shopping for bras are a nightmare!

Shopping for bras are a nightmare!

I just bought a cute top today and considered a new bra for a better fit. My stomach plunged the second that realization hit me. Anyone with an uncommon bra size knows this feeling. Correction, ANYONE with a bra size knows this feeling. Going to the dentist is a less stressful event. At least then you are guaranteed to be out within an hour. In a nutshell, bra shopping brings me as much joy as filling out FAFSA forms. Here are the thoughts that most likely run through anyone’s head.

1) The moment of realization

Maybe you’re trying on a new outfit that needs a different bra style or suddenly your favorite (and only) bra snaps in two. Right then and there, you know your entire weekend is falling down the toilet. Fate stepped in and punched you in the tits. Today is the day. You. Are. Going. Bra shopping! Victoria’s Secret, Nordstrom, Soma, Macy’s. All of those dreaded stores suddenly flood your brain and remind you of the chaotic battlefield you are about to step in.

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2) You walk alone

Maybe nobody else has to face this, but I for one have to go bra shopping alone or at least with a patient person. There is no universal size for bras. Every designer has their own ludicrous idea of how boobs work. With that said, looking for the bra that fits you can be a day long event. Anytime someone goes to VS with me, they think I go in there just for shits and giggles. No, I am bra shopping and bra shopping is not a game. I’d rather be stuffing my face with a pretzel at Auntie Annie’s across the mall, but here I am torturing my chest with these ungodly uncomfortable boob prisons. So you step out the door and look back to see your comrades give you one last goodbye before you walk into the jungle.

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3) It’s just as bad as you remember!

Bras scattered everywhere, lines shoot out the door, employees are nowhere to be seen, and someone’s always huddled in the corner rocking back and forth. You remember that bra stores are by far the worst stores on earth. Bra stores are a lawless territory and earth laws don’t apply to this alternate universe. Everyday is Black Friday in bra stores. Before you walk in, you take a deep breath and charge in head first. From here on out, it’s everyone for themselves.

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4) You wonder if your bra size even exists

Do they have my size? Is my size even real? Are my boobs even real? Am I real? Maybe I can just tie a piece of cloth around my boobs and hope for the best! Any store you walk in seems to sell every size but yours. Does this line sound familiar? “(Available in 32 A-C and 34 D-E)” The store somehow forgets how to count or skips a letter in the alphabet. I’m a 32D and for whatever reason, bra stores in America don’t believe a person can have a small rib cage and a D cup. For those who don’t know D cup does not equal big boobs. Even if it did equal big boobs, why is it so hard to believe?

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5) Do you need help finding a size?

No, I don’t need help finding a size. I need a fairy godmother to bibbidi-bobbidi-boo a wardrobe of bras! I know the employees mean well, but anytime I have someone fit me I end up in the store longer than needed. Even if the bra doesn’t fit perfectly, VS employees insist I should buy that bra. Don’t get me wrong. Some employees (particularly Nordstrom) know their stuff. But those miracle workers are once in a wish upon a star.

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6) Have you tried (insert store here)?

YES! I have thank you for asking. Target? No, my bra size is discriminated there. Don’t even suggest online shopping to me. I have a better chance at pin the tail on the donkey after three shots of tequila.

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7) Oh look, you found something in your size!…But not in your color/style.

Haha! You didn’t think it would be that easy did you? Of course not. Yeah, they carry your size, but it’s either an obnoxiously uncomfortable push up bra, they ran out of nude color or the bra has a “granny look” that makes you want to cringe. For the record, I think “granny look” might be a bit of an insulting term to the elderly. Does anybody really like those style bras?

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8) Are you done yet?

Maybe it’s your shopping buddy, your mom called wondering when you will ever get back or someone just always checks up on you to see if you’re still alive. The panic starts to sink in and you realize that you have found nothing that fits. You blame yourself. Am I being too picky? Am I the only one who spends this much time at the store? This really shouldn’t be something that takes this long. It’s my fault, I should just pick something and stop whining!

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9) The Holy Grail couldn’t compare to the miracle you’ve witnessed

You found it. The one bra in the entire store that actually works. Maybe there is a god or maybe you got lucky yet again.

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10) Okay your total comes to _____.

NO! Don’t tell me the price because then I will feel worse about myself. Just take my credit card and burn the receipt!!!  But for real, retail can be so sexist. They know they’re overcharging for feminine necessities because they can. Don’t get me started on “the tampon tax”. I don’t care if it applies to other products. Tampons are not a luxury like alcohol, gas or gambling. So don’t treat it like it is!

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11) Alternate ending: You go home crying!

Because let’s get real. Bra shopping is never that simple. Better luck next time? Psh, yeah right! And don’t forget, you wasted an entire Saturday to find not a single bra in the entire mall. Looks like Sunday involves that other mall an hour away! *GROANS*

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So that’s pretty much how bra shopping goes. I’ve noticed this is a common issue among most, if not all people. For some reason, bras are too complicated for manufacturers and attempt to use a “one size fits most” approach. Consequently, a lot of people are left out and need to find alternative ways to get a proper fitting bra. I’ve even read articles that approach bra sizing like it’s science. I.E. “A recent study found that bras…” “It turns out that women are wearing the wrong bras” ” 10 signs you’re wearing your bra wrong”. Why are bras treated like they’re too hard to figure out so nobody bothers to fix this stupid unnecessary stress?

You know what, after I finished writing this article I decided I don’t need to go bra shopping after all. Nope, I’ll do just fine with what I have. After remembering how irritating bra shopping really is, I could never judge another persons bra choices. At this point, I don’t even think going bra less is an insane idea. If you can do it, save your money and avoid bra stores at all costs. I won’t judge you.

Did I really spend my high school life doing nothing?

Did I really spend my high school life doing nothing?

Hello, readers. I’ve been having a bit of a blogging slump and was trying to come up with a new topic. I decided to reflect on anything I did in high school and use that as inspiration but so far, no luck. Typically people always have stories of “that one time in band camp” where they do something that is considered young and dumb. So looking back at my time spent, I have nothing to tell. Overall, I liked my time in High School and I have happy memories, but in terms of experiences my life is mundane at best. I was never invited to parties, never dated or experimented and although I love my small circle of friends, we didn’t do anything wild and crazy together. Which is a shame because I think if we did something so traumatic that forced us to make a blood pact to never repeat what happened, we would be much closer than we are now. (Kidding!)

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Then again, blood oaths don’t seem to be that exciting. At least not according to Pretty Little Liars. (never could get past the first 5 episodes)

I wouldn’t even say there is a mystery as to why I had an uneventful youth. To be perfectly honest, my upbringing is partially to blame. As I’ve said in previous blogs, I am very sheltered. Like “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” sheltered. If you really want an in depth look about how my life was spent, just watch season 1. Kimmy Schmidt is basically my spirit animal. (and I wear that fact with pride!)

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Three cheers for my TV twin!

 

If I wanted to hang out with my friends, my parents needed every bit of information attainable. Who are they? Where are you going? When are you leaving? When will you get back? When will you call us? When will you take a bathroom break? (kidding about that one!) When you are a child of helicopter parents, you know what I am talking about. Talking about leaving the house turns into a stressful event itself that staying home just seems more appealing.

Furthermore, if they didn’t like the sound of what I’m up to then they wouldn’t let me go. I’m not even talking about unreasonable situations, I mean legitimately harmless things I wanted to do. One time when I was sixteen, my parents wouldn’t let me join my friend and her family to Six Flags because they thought I would get an allergic reaction and die at the theme park…I wish that was an exaggeration, but you need to know where I’m coming from.

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DISCLAIMER!!! Really, I’m not trying to ask for sympathy here by telling you this. We all have crosses to bear. Right? Mine is a toothpick compared to everyone else. Okay, back to the story!

So whenever I had a chance to go out, I would hold it off because, “what’s one day?” Then one day turned into two days and so on and so forth. Before I knew it, I was already a graduating senior and I did a whole lot of nothing. I felt like I was missing out an important part of my life. I’d be lying to myself if I said it doesn’t bother me now because it does. So then I thought about this and asked myself, “why is this all so important to me?” and I think I figured it out.

I think whenever I think about why I missed out on so much is because I wasn’t given freedom. My parents didn’t give me that trust that you should get in High School. Sure I would spend time with friends, but I always had some sense of paranoia that my feeling of freedom was only temporary. I would worry that my parents would show up any minute and drag me home (because they’ve done that before). Sometimes when I’m in the middle of hanging out with my friends, I would look at the clock and panic about how much time I had left before I had to leave. If I didn’t answer the phone, my mom would harass my friends phones until one of them answered and smirk at me while they tell my mom where I am (which is the same place I told her I would be at).

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I understand that high school years aren’t the most important days of your life and thank god it isn’t. Nevertheless, I think there will always still be a part of me that feels a bit salty about it. The silver lining of this blog would have to be that my life doesn’t end at eighteen and there are billions of people who would agree with me. Lots of people, for lot of different reasons never shared the traditional teenager experience. Some teenagers had to grow up at five years old. Others didn’t get a chance to be in high school. So even though I didn’t have an exciting childhood, I’m hoping I can change that. I’m taking small steps every day to let myself be more independent. For instance, a couple weeks ago I went outside for a whole hour and took a walk to the park by myself. Opening this blog was a big step for me. I’m even considering going to the city and spend the whole day alone. Maybe I’ll even go to the beach? Or buy myself a drink at the bar without joining a group of people. These might seem like dumb goals to some, but for me it is a symbolic reminder that I am my own person and I have more control of my life than I think.

My lifelong dream to be a Disney Princess.

My lifelong dream to be a Disney Princess.

This blog idea just popped into my head right now. All day “Once Upon A Dream” has been playing in my head non stop and I figured the best way to help is to write about it! You bet I will be plaguing this page with Disney gifs. 

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What did I say? This page is a Disney takeover.

It is no secret to most of the people who know me that I am a Disney addict. I love anything Disney related and it has been that way for as long as I can remember. I have a Frozen themed laptop for crying out loud! I think that proves my level of dedication. There were times as a kid where I would get emotional because I wasn’t in a Disney movie. Oh, you didn’t do that as a kid?

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Disney Princesses taught me how to be so theatrical with everything I do!

I’ve always been weird, even as a kid. My favorite Disney movies were princess movies. I had my top three princesses I loved the most; Ariel, Belle and Jasmine (back in the day when there were only six). Of course my ultimate favorite was Ariel. I wanted nothing more than to be Ariel. I even used to flop on my bed pretending I was a mermaid. (you are probably the first people I’ve told this to) Wait, you never did that as a kid either? Well shit, you were missing out.

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Fun fact: I knew of a family that were named after Disney characters. They had a pet named Hercules, and two kids named Ariel and Sebastian. Why weren’t my parents that cool?!? #familygoals

Ariel had the best story of all and I could relate to her the best. She loved to sing, like me. She didn’t like to be told what to do, like the rebellious five year old I was. And we both wanted to marry Prince Eric! The only difference was that I thought she was nuts that she didn’t want to be a mermaid. I mean mermaids didn’t have to go to school, eat school cafeteria food, go to gym class or wear itchy school uniforms! What’s not to love Ariel? I will gladly trade places with you any day, just give me a call. My preferences for Princesses have changed (Rapunzel, what up!) but my love for them is only stronger.

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Aww, baby Merida is the cutest!

I’m pretty sure a lot of people can relate and shared the same dream, but I grew up wanting nothing more than being a Disney Princess. Why? Most would assume it’s just for the sparkly dress, fancy tiara and prince charming. Well, yeah but there was more to it than the fancy pixie dust. There was something about the Disney dream team that gave me inspiration and ambition. Think about it, if it were all for aesthetic reasons then I would want to be a Barbie doll as well. Not the best argument, but you get the gist.

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Set all the dresses and tiaras aside, Disney Princess’ had something I wanted more than anything. Freedom. The freedom to do anything their heart desires. Disney princesses are bold and courageous. They follow their heart and reach their goals. No matter what the obstacle, they are still so sure of themselves. Disney Princesses are leaders and never quit. They all had an adventure and lived in the present. The future was never a worry or struggle for them. Of course I know these are just movies, but each story holds just a little bit of truth to life. After all, these stories were written by people who felt the same inspirations. Otherwise these stories wouldn’t exist.

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Who doesn’t want a good adventure?

This post today doesn’t have a particular message or point that needs to be addressed. It’s just something that got me asking myself what exactly is it about Disney that makes me love the movies so much. Anyhow, I may be an adult now but I will forever have the place in my heart to become a Disney Princess. If Disney asked me today if I want to be a princess, I would definitely drop what I am doing, quit my current life and run away to be a  part of the exclusive Disney princess clique.

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Wake me up when Disney calls me!